I guess every show has to start somewhere. Every story needs a starting point to give context to what is going on in front of you. There’s an entire episode about this on my favorite show, Community, in the final season. Say what you will about that season, I stand by it. It knew what it was and what purpose it served, and I was, and still am, here for it. I’d like to think that my life is a little bit like that final season of Community. Don’t take yourself too seriously (or at all), throw out everything you had set up to this point, make reference to, but don’t actually display the things that people loved about you in the past, embrace the dark realities of life, and just have fun because you know that something big is coming up on the horizon that is going to make it all make sense. Then the people will understand, and it will be worth the journey. (Looking at you upcoming Community film!)
The blog was born as a way to chronicle a new life that I want to build for myself. To dramatically alter my future by taking the biggest leap of faith I could imagine. Up to this point I have always made excuses for why I couldn’t do something. I had to work. I didn’t have the money. I am not qualified. I could never. So I kept doing what I what I was doing. I missed out on a lot of really cool things along the way. I wonder what could have been if I had just said yes to even one of those opportunities, trusted that everything would work out and just tried. I didn’t want to wonder anymore. 2024 has been a trying year. It started out so wonderfully, I was so excited for what was to come. Then by February I was shattered, and I entered one of the longest and most profound depressive states to date. I spent months disconnected from my community, my hobbies, everything. I moved my television to my bedroom, stopped taking care of myself until it was absolutely a necessity, and became a troll who kept bags of snacks in a dresser drawer that I didn’t even have to leave the bed to access. Honestly, I owe the fact that I even got out of bed to try and fake it to my boyfriend. If it wasn’t for him, this story probably would have taken a darker turn. He doesn’t realize what he did (well, I guess he will when he sees this. Surprise!) and the part he played in keeping me going the past 5 months. I kinda owe him everything. Well, him and a very special friend who will just have to remain mysteriously anonymous. Without the two of them, I never would have had the courage to confront what was going on, and make the terrifying leap into the unknown. Thanks guys.
But I digress. I wanted a space to track my progress. To engage others in my process. Share the things that I find interesting. Gain feedback. Vent. I wanted a space where I could be viscerally real and open with the faceless stranger. To show that young gay boy that things do get better, and it’s worth holding his head high no matter how many times life tries to put him down. To give that woman the courage to start selling her hand decorated cakes out of her kitchen because making them is the only thing that is able to make her smile anymore. To hopefully share something with you that you didn’t know. To give you a space to talk about that thing that makes you excited and nerd out with someone who enjoys it too. Community. Collaboration. An ear. A shoulder. I want to be open with you so you have somewhere that is safe. So let’s laugh, cry, and learn together. I’ll help you shoot your movie if you help me shoot mine.